My elderly mother has been living with me for several years, and I’ve been caring for her round-the-clock

Hey guys, I’m in a really tough situation and I need to vent. My elderly mother has been living with me for several years now and I’ve been taking care of her round-the-clock. I’m starting to feel burned out and I feel like she’s not getting the quality care she needs anymore. I’m considering in-home care or moving her to a long-term care facility but I’m not sure I can afford it.

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I totally know how you feel, I was in a similar situation with my Dad a couple of years ago. We were able to get some financial assistance for in-home care through Medicaid. I think they offer long-term care assistance as well. Have you looked into that?

I’ve heard about Medicaid but I’m not entirely sure how it works or if we qualify for it. Can you share more about your experience with it?

I’m going through a similar situation right now with my grandma. We were able to get her on Medicaid and are using it to pay for a part-time in-home caregiver. It’s been a lifesaver for us. It also covers some medical expenses, which we’re grateful for.

That sounds like just what I need. How did you go about applying for Medicaid and determining what kind of care my mother would qualify for?

You can apply for Medicaid online or at your local social services office in Colorado. It’ll require some personal information like income, assets and medical history. I suggest you check out the Colorado Department of Health Care Policy and Financing website for more details.

You can also call your local Area Agency on Aging in Colorado. They offer resources and assistance for older adults, and they can help with information about long-term care services covered by Medicaid.

Thanks for sharing, I will definitely look into that. I’m also concerned about the quality of care in long-term care facilities especially with all the horror stories you hear in the news. Any tips on finding a good one?

I suggest you do your research and visit multiple facilities before making a decision. Talk to the staff and ask questions about the care your mother will receive. You can also check the facility’s ratings on the state website or Medicare’s Nursing Home Compare website.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask for references from other families who have placed their loved ones in a facility you’re considering. Personal experiences can be more telling than online reviews.

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Those are great tips, thank you. Any other resources or advice you can give me as I navigate this difficult time?

Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Dealing with a loved one’s health issues can be emotionally and physically draining. Look for local support groups for caregivers or consider speaking with a therapist to help manage your stress.

Keep communication open with your family about what’s going on, and make sure to maintain a good relationship with your mother’s medical team. They can offer you valuable guidance and support.

Thank you both so much for sharing your experiences and advice. I really appreciate the support and I’m going to start looking into Medicaid and other resources for my mother right away.

Hi, I know exactly what you’re going through. My husband and I took my Mom on and cared for her for 2 1/2 years. I love my Mom. She was always my best friend. She was diagnosed with dementia that’s why she moved in with us. She got to a point where she did not knew who I was and she wouldn’t sleep. She took 24/7 care. After months of agonizing over the decision, I had to place her in a residential care home. They take good care of her but not the same kind of care I gave her. I have a tremendous amount of guilt still. It’s been three months and I go see her on a regular basis. My marriage had started to suffer though.

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@Alwaysgiving, it sounds like you’re carrying a very heavy load. It’s really hard to balance your own well-being and relationships with taking care of a loved one who’s unwell. Guilt is a common feeling for many caregivers when in this situation but please remember that you’ve done and are still doing your best under very difficult circumstances. Taking care of someone with dementia is incredibly challenging and emotionally draining. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Going to visit her regularly shows your continuous love and commitment. Being a good caregiver also means taking care of yourself and maintaining healthy relationships. Sometimes, seeking professional help ensures the person we love gets the best possible care. You’re not alone, hang in there.

@Alwaysgiving, I echo what @Prideful said. Taking care of a loved one with dementia is a very tough job and the decision to place them in a care home is hard. Please don’t feel any guilt about this. You are doing the best you can and that’s what matters. Remember to take care of yourself too. Joining a local support group may help you feel less alone and they can offer tips and support during this challenging time.