How do I keep my marriage while caring for my mom?
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I need help. I’ve been struggling to balance my marriage and taking care of my mom lately. My husband feels like I’ve let go and is constantly nagging me but he doesn’t see how hard it is to care for my mom 24/7.
I went through a similar situation a few years back. My husband would complain that i was barely keeping the house clean or making time for him since i was home all day. But i was exhausted from taking care of my mom after her hip surgery, it was no vacation. One thin a friend told us was to talk and not let stuff build up or it’d ruin us. And let me tell you, those talks are hard at first, but if we hadn’t done it, i’m sure we’d be over by now.
Part of it is they don’t understand what you’re going through. Make them feel included by involving them in stuff like decision-making or asking for help every now and then. They’ll see you’re not just neglecting them but have your hands full. And hopefully you’ll get some help along the way.
Those are helpful ideas. I’m trying to protect him because she is my mom after all, but I’m feeling overwhelmed myself. It feels like the days are shorter now with all going on. How do I find time for self-care while managing everything?
Scheduling is important. Actively plan time for relaxation and leisure activities. Share caregiving responsibility with other family members or hire professional help if required. This will not only benefit your mental health but will also be advantageous for both your mom and your marriage.
Remember that it’s okay to accept help from others. If you can afford it, look into professional help. For us, my sisters and I were adamant that we’d take care of my mom ourselves, but it was too much to handle with our own families and responsibilities. We ended up hiring part time help and it made a world of difference. I know it seems like you’re on your own. But many times that’s because you’re not asking for help. You’re not a super human, its ok to get help and rest.
It might also help to get your husband involved in the caregiving process. Not only would this give him a better understanding of what you’re going through, but it also allows you two to bond over a shared responsibility. Plus, it might create a greater sense of empathy and understanding between the two of you. Don’t forget to take things one step at a time, your wellbeing is important too.